The Foundation is Crumbling

Lately, I’ve had tons of self doubt, and considering that’s unsurprising. I’ve been dumped via being ignored (brave soul he was, eh?), a girl hired after me has a more secure position than myself, and I haven’t had so much as a blip on the radar about a professional position in almost a month. I KNOW I have to be patient, but I DON’T know how to keep from going crazy/ self sabotaging myself. Trust me I’m good at the latter.

I’ve started a few hair brained projects or hobbies, although I can’t help but wonder if I haven’t begun to feed a compulsive spending habit. I won’t lie; I scare myself a little more every day. I get myself worked up enough that I no longer know my strengths or my weaknesses professionally. I don’t know what I want or even know if I like the person I am.

I do know that whatever I do professional, I’d like it to make a positive impact. If it can’t be positive have it be informative. Basically, after doing business with someone, I want them to walk away with more even intellectually, than when they came to me. I want whatever I create or whatever cause I chose to tackle to stay with them. I just right this second, have no idea how to do that? Or which companies I’d like to work with the most. I weary of searching and I am at a loss of who to ask for help.

Tomorrow’s another day, but there won’t always be a tomorrow. As you can tell I'm feeling very conflicted.

Stop Trying, Just Do

So, I got lost in my own self pity and in a job hunt to fix what’s broken. That is how I think of my job search, a fix to something broken. This is amusing to me because I would argue it’s something much more than that.

Anyway, that’s not really what I wanted to talk about via blog; I want to tell you what shenanigans I’m up to now. After, my wading around in some unpleasant emotions I’ve started to climb my way out. I am only up to 13 minutes straight running, in my training for a half marathon. Every time I run I’m pushing it a minute longer, and building it up that way.

I’ve also begun doodling once again, properly doodling, not my crazy job treasure map as can be found on this site. As of late though I’ve noticed I like to push myself just a little bit further. So I looked up art contests, and found one I’m interested in. I’m hesitant to say too much more at the moment until I find out more, but submitted an application. So, as soon I know more I’ll share all the details and rules.

In the mean time I’ve been practicing drawing, and I’m terrible. Okay, not terrible but there was a time I was better than I am now. My perspectives are sketchy at best, my shading looks like scribbling, and my oil pastels stray outside the lines. Simply, I’m trying to rebuild what little technique I ever had, but I feel like I need help.

Know anything about oil pastels?