Lately, I’ve had tons of self doubt, and considering that’s
unsurprising. I’ve been dumped via being ignored (brave soul he was, eh?), a
girl hired after me has a more secure position than myself, and I haven’t had
so much as a blip on the radar about a professional position in almost a month.
I KNOW I have to be patient, but I DON’T know how to keep from going crazy/
self sabotaging myself. Trust me I’m good at the latter.
I’ve started a few hair brained projects or hobbies,
although I can’t help but wonder if I haven’t begun to feed a compulsive
spending habit. I won’t lie; I scare myself a little more every day. I get
myself worked up enough that I no longer know my strengths or my weaknesses professionally.
I don’t know what I want or even know if I like the person I am.
I do know that whatever I do professional, I’d like it to
make a positive impact. If it can’t be positive have it be informative. Basically,
after doing business with someone, I want them to walk away with more even
intellectually, than when they came to me. I want whatever I create or whatever
cause I chose to tackle to stay with them. I just right this second, have no
idea how to do that? Or which companies I’d like to work with the most. I weary
of searching and I am at a loss of who to ask for help.
Tomorrow’s another day, but there won’t always be a
tomorrow. As you can tell I'm feeling very conflicted.
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